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I don't have a "submissive" personality and don't care for authority at all actually, that submissive thing just confuses me.The term 'switch' fits cause sure it's great fun to be the tier upper 'dom' and show my partner a good time but I don't fantasize at all about doing it, being tied myself and messed with by a woman is the hottest thing I can think of.And none of those seem like the kind of thing you are interested in.The kinds of people who make profiles on these sites have a certain expectation of the level of kink they will be getting from prospective partners, and very little of them will be satisfied with "50 Shaded of Grey BDSM Light" (as the community calls it).People meet people at WORK where they share an interest (like not getting fired).Why not look to where your interests lay; like a BDSM talk group or a similar (non sexual) meet and greet?The BDSM activities you're describing do not sound like the kind of thing that would outrage or offend the average person.
And I personally believe you will be much happier with a "vanilla twist" partner than anyone you can find on one of those BDSM dating sites.
Additionally, websites/ dating sites like these are rife with "cyber dom(me)s" who are fine with having an online submissive, or a person online with whom they engage in cyber sex sessions or fantasy discussion (as you mentioned the whole submissive thing confuses you), but have no intention of ever fulfilling their promises due to being in a committed relationship, or not being who they pretend to be.
An example is on most of these websites you can just add whatever title you want to your user name, and do not have to provide any references in the profile information (i.e. Internet dating is somewhat dangerous, but add a BDSM vibe into it and it becomes even more treacherous.
Personally, for what you're looking for I wouldn't bother with the specialised fetish/BDSM sites.
As you wrote, they're mostly used by men and they don't seem to attract many women who are looking for serious relationships.